transitions in marriage
Patterns in Marriage
Have you ever thought about how much decision making goes into planning a wedding? The colors, the venue, the food, the cake, the amount of people, the list could go on and on and on! This means that a couple could go in and create patterns of how they will decision make within their marriage before they are even married. This can be so beneficial because it is giving them an opportunity to work through difficult situations that aren't necessarily life altering to kind of practice.
When I look back on my own wedding I realize that my mom mostly planned the whole thing. This was a result of both my husband and I being hundreds of miles away from the wedding venue and both taking a full load of college classes and working part time. We truthfully did not take on any of the decision making. My mom let me choose the basic thing like colors and flowers and different aspects of decor. My husband was not overly interested in any of it and whenever I asked him for input he just said "whatever you want" or "ya, I like that too". Basically answers to let me know he didn't really care! I didn't view this as a big deal because I figured weddings are probably more exciting for the girl anyways, but I never thought that type of pattern would continue. I WAS WRONG.
We are happily married and I love him so much. I couldn't imagine my life with anyone else. However, when it comes to dinner time and I ask "what do you want for dinner?" guess what his response is? "Whatever you want".... This may seem like such a small thing, but what if this pattern continues? If you are faced with a huge decision and you want help deciding but all you get is "whatever you want". This can become a big issue and can lead to feelings of loneliness and maybe even some resentment later on. NOTICE THESE PATTERNS. They happen sooner than we can imagine and will continue on unless we communicate well and let the other person know how frustrated that makes us. I think it would even be fair to express what you feel it may lead to in the future.
Transitions in Marriage
While in a marriage there are many transitions that will cause the makeup of your marriage to change. The largest change has been found to be when you have kids. Having a child completely changes the system that you may have had set in place beforehand. The mother naturally will cling to the child and do just about anything to make sure they are cared for. Unfortunately this may include some neglect or anger toward the husband. When it was just the 2 it was so much easier to feel close and spend time together. Now there is a baby, the husband cant feed the baby the wife doesn't have time to spend all her time with the husband. See how this can completely throw off a marriage you have worked so hard to construct? Don't let this happen!! Your marriage will change because you will transition from being a 2 person family to a 3 person family but it doesn't have to change for the worst. Keep each other involved in everything. Wives, keep you husband involved in the process of raising the child. Have the husband (and only the husband) be with you in the delivery room. Make your time as a new family of three feel exciting and develop a closeness that you could never duplicate in any other situation.
The way that people in a marriage change and shift as life throws them for a loop will really give word to the way they have handled experiences in the past. Make the best of your marriage. Create healthy patterns and build your relationship. And when kids come along, keep building it!
Classmates Blogs: https://kenziefer.blogspot.com/2019/05/other-links.html
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