communication

Communication has proven to be key in marriage and family relationships over and over again. A healthy marriage is healthy because they communicate. When this is lost problems seem to stack up and weigh the relationship until it breaks. Let's first talk about how communication works.

Communication begins when a though it feeling needs to be expressed to another individual. This thought or feeling is mostly sent through a combination of words, tone of voice, and non-verbal cues to portray the message. Many times when we think of communication we solely think of the words that are coming from someones mouth. However, anyone who has ever used sarcasm before can recognize that words aren't a reliable medium to recognize a message fully. In fact, sometimes there can be no words said, yet a very clear message will be displayed. This is a huge reason why meaningful and honest communication within a relationship is important. So many mixed messages can be received and confuse many things that wouldn't have otherwise been confused. In fact, here is some percentages to help us understand this... 

WORDS                14%

TONE                    35%

NON-VERBAL     51%

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=                           100%

Keep these percentages in mind, they may help with some things! 

A very wise man once said, "within a marriage you need to communicate so clearly not only so we can be understood but so we can not be misunderstood." This puts things into perspective of how important clear communication is. Since within a relationship you are dealing with two separate people, from different backgrounds, with differing opinions and personalities. This opens doors to so many possibilities for miscommunication!

There are many ways and processes that can help you become a better communicator, however there are "5 Secrets" they have found that may be your best options. 

1. The Disarming Technique. 

          The main point of this is to make sure and help people to not get defensive during a conversation. The way we can do this is within a response (especially to an illogical or exaggerated situation) we focus on the kernel of truth. If someone is mad at you for breaking up with them and telling you how terrible you are and how hard it is for them and that you don't even care about them this is likely not true. However there are some truths within it. You did hurt them and you feel terrible for that. By mentioning this to them in your response you will likely have "disarmed" them enough for you to have a good meaningful conversation. 

2. Express Empathy. 

         By letting them know that you are hurt because they are hurt and that you are trying to feel as they are feeling they will likely recognize that you truly care about them even in a difficult, heated situation. 

3. Inquiry. 

        Using the statement "I would like to hear more" or "tell me more about that" or "Could you explain that to me a bit more". All of these phrases will help people feel that you are truthfully concerned and interested in hearing more of what they have to say. LISTENING is key in all communication and this secret just confirms that. 

4. I Feel Statement. 

         By using an I feel statement you are graduating into a deep conversation. You are sharing words, feelings, desires, and thoughts. This is an example of how this statement could sound: When ___________ happened, I felt _______________ because ____________, I would like if ___________________. By doing this and filling in the blanks it is easier for you to be open and honest and respectfully get your point across. 

5. Stroking. 

         This is a means to express admiration or appreciation for the person you are communicating with. It will make them feel loved, and listened to and that you truly do care which is also key to communication. 

Communication can be tricky and honestly it isn't natural to be able to communicate perfectly all the time. It is something that we  have to work on and strive to be better at. We all have thoughts and feeling and we are all entitled to have those respectfully listened to and cared about by our relationship partner. Surrender blame, use the 5 secrets, keep in mind how 3 different things all combine to create a communicable message. Use these to make you better. Your relationship will grow and you will be so much happier when you can effectively communicate lovingly with your partner.

Classmates blogs: https://kenziefer.blogspot.com/2019/05/other-links.html