preparing for marriage
How do I prepare for marriage? This may seem like a ridiculous question because of how obvious it should be. To prepare for marriage you should probably date around, find the type of person you like and are compatible with and then plan a wedding and get married! This is something that we are actually seeing less and less of in the world today. Dating has completely shifted in definition and is causing some real issues within relationships. There should be 4 separate steps that a relationship can follow.
1. Dating: This means playing the field. You are not committed to anyone, and are free to get to know several different people. There are rules that go along with this step. Playing the field and dating does not mean you have a free pass to be intimate and kiss everyone you date. In fact, you should not be physically intimate at all. This will invoke feelings of attachment, which should not be happening since this step is only to get to know people. Finding good qualities in people can help you figure out what you find attractive and what you would like to have in a marriage partner. It seems that we have lost this step in today's world. Dating now means that you are exclusive and committed to one another. This should follow the dating step and it is called courtship, I will talk more about that later.
A date should be planned, paid for, and paired. What planned means is that it should be thought out before it begins. No one likes being asked on a date and when they get in the car the first thing they hear is "So, what do you want to do?" This completely defeats the purpose and the fact that you asked or were asked on a date!!! Plan a date beforehand and be sure that you are communicating with the other person so they are prepared. Paid for means that if you asked then you provide the resources to have the date go smoothly. That could mean paying for a meal or driving your car to get to a park. And lastly dates need to be paired. This means that you are not "hanging out" in a group. You are paired off and specifically with one other person. This should be determined beforehand and should mean that you are involved and paying attention to that one person! (Disclaimer: by focusing on one person for one date you will be amazed at what you can get to know them!)
2. Courtship: This is where you are exclusive and with the intent to marry. If you are at a point in your life where you do not feel that you are ready to get married then don't star a courting relationship! This step should still include the first step, dating. You will only be spending time with that person and you should be building a relationship together that could create a well fulfilled marriage relationship in the future. Again do not begin an exclusive relationship unless you have the intent to marry! This can and will save you from pain of being attached and then getting hurt because someone "doesn't feel ready yet".
3. Engagement: This should follow the courtship period. What an engagement should mean is you have promised yourself to someone and have a date and a ring to confirm that you are going to get married. This period of time should not be too long and should be an exciting time to plan for and prepare a wedding. Again, dating should take place in this step!
4. Finally, there is marriage. This is a life-time commitment that you make with another person to promise yourself to them and share your life with them. Healthy habits that came from dating and courtship will continue into your marriage and should help you to be successful in that.
Another useful tool that can help you if you understand it is the RAM model.
These little dashes can change and the more that one changes the more another one will change. For example the more touch there is, the more you will feel committed. This is why you should be in a serious relationship (courtship) after you have dated and gotten to know the person! Crazy that all of these things relate to our preparation for marriage and can truly predict the success of our relationships.
Marriage is an amazing and special thing, but it is not something to take lightly. It is a serious commitment and you need to be ready for it. Things will get hard and times will get tough. You can overcome these difficult times with the preparation you did before!
Classmates blogs: https://kenziefer.blogspot.com/2019/05/other-links.html
1. Dating: This means playing the field. You are not committed to anyone, and are free to get to know several different people. There are rules that go along with this step. Playing the field and dating does not mean you have a free pass to be intimate and kiss everyone you date. In fact, you should not be physically intimate at all. This will invoke feelings of attachment, which should not be happening since this step is only to get to know people. Finding good qualities in people can help you figure out what you find attractive and what you would like to have in a marriage partner. It seems that we have lost this step in today's world. Dating now means that you are exclusive and committed to one another. This should follow the dating step and it is called courtship, I will talk more about that later.
A date should be planned, paid for, and paired. What planned means is that it should be thought out before it begins. No one likes being asked on a date and when they get in the car the first thing they hear is "So, what do you want to do?" This completely defeats the purpose and the fact that you asked or were asked on a date!!! Plan a date beforehand and be sure that you are communicating with the other person so they are prepared. Paid for means that if you asked then you provide the resources to have the date go smoothly. That could mean paying for a meal or driving your car to get to a park. And lastly dates need to be paired. This means that you are not "hanging out" in a group. You are paired off and specifically with one other person. This should be determined beforehand and should mean that you are involved and paying attention to that one person! (Disclaimer: by focusing on one person for one date you will be amazed at what you can get to know them!)
2. Courtship: This is where you are exclusive and with the intent to marry. If you are at a point in your life where you do not feel that you are ready to get married then don't star a courting relationship! This step should still include the first step, dating. You will only be spending time with that person and you should be building a relationship together that could create a well fulfilled marriage relationship in the future. Again do not begin an exclusive relationship unless you have the intent to marry! This can and will save you from pain of being attached and then getting hurt because someone "doesn't feel ready yet".
3. Engagement: This should follow the courtship period. What an engagement should mean is you have promised yourself to someone and have a date and a ring to confirm that you are going to get married. This period of time should not be too long and should be an exciting time to plan for and prepare a wedding. Again, dating should take place in this step!
4. Finally, there is marriage. This is a life-time commitment that you make with another person to promise yourself to them and share your life with them. Healthy habits that came from dating and courtship will continue into your marriage and should help you to be successful in that.
Another useful tool that can help you if you understand it is the RAM model.
These little dashes can change and the more that one changes the more another one will change. For example the more touch there is, the more you will feel committed. This is why you should be in a serious relationship (courtship) after you have dated and gotten to know the person! Crazy that all of these things relate to our preparation for marriage and can truly predict the success of our relationships.
Marriage is an amazing and special thing, but it is not something to take lightly. It is a serious commitment and you need to be ready for it. Things will get hard and times will get tough. You can overcome these difficult times with the preparation you did before!
Classmates blogs: https://kenziefer.blogspot.com/2019/05/other-links.html
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